I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
