im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
