Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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