I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
