just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
