I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
