i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
