Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
