Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
