I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
