people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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