I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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