Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There r osticjed everywhere
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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