trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
