i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
