why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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