Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
