what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
