I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
