he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
