I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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