I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
