Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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