maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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