New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
