So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
