the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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