Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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