do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
