do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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