goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
