So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
