Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
