I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
