T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
