Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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