The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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