I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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