guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
do nipples grow back?
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