I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
