Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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