Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
