I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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