That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
