perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
