It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
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It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize