I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
