Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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