my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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