ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
40s are totally the cure
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
