There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
