Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
