"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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