I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I need water and some morals
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
