Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
