there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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